Here we are again, another freezing day at Tonbridge Sportsground, as the boys warm up with a pint. The crowd of around 5000 are in good spirits.

Great start as the ball is taken straight into Cranbrook's half. A corner is won, taken and after a scramble the ball falls to Max Turner who hits a cracking shot from 20 yards into the net (contender for goal of the season according to Alan Hansen). 1-0.

Kick-off and we are back down to their goal, a good shot from Ollie Leigh going just wide. A mistake by their keeper leads to a free kick, another scramble and Ollie shoots again just wide. Lots of action all around their goal, then a blast from Ian Dipple into the top of the net for goal number two.

So far Cranbrook have been in our half just once and all the action has been around their goal. Third goal comes from Ross McCarter as we start piling on the pressure. Great header from Chris Newbury just missing the goal, then a lovely chip from Mike Ide just over the bar. Nothing to do for goalkeeper Jamie Hards so he's gone to McDonalds. Another scramble and goal number four goes in, an own goal.

Cranbrook back for second time in our half, but well cleared by Martin Hill straight back to their end for a corner. Corner taken by Tom Ryan who knocks out a low-flying seagull in Brighton. 5th goal scored by Mike Ide. Lots of good passing by all. Mike Ide comes close again hitting the bar. Excellent pass in by Chris Phillips for Ross McCarter to get goal number six. Jamie back from McDonalds.

Another corner, followed by two good shots from Greg Byrne. Good pass by Max Turner for Ollie Leigh to strike a good goal. Good defending again by Martin Hill as Cranbrook come back, then some magical footwork by Chris Newbury to send the ball back to Mike Ide who scores again for number eight.

Have lost four fingers from frostbite but will keep up commentary as long as possible. Fantastic chip by Ian Dipple, in off the bar for number nine. Jamie Hards on second crossword.

Great through ball by Martin Hill to Chris Phillips, who slots ball to Mike Ide for another good goal. Missed goal 11 by Mike Ide, as I was picking up my fingers but Terry Newbury said it was good. Good head down from Ollie Leigh for Ross McCarter to get goal number 12.

50 yard screamer from Chris Newbury for number 13. 14th goal from Chris Phillips who is having an excellent game. Getting silly now as Ian Dipple gets another for goal 15. Half time: 15-0.

Second half: changes all round. Jamie Hards on pitch, Chris Newbury goes in goal. Defence swap places with attackers.

Cranbrook start well with Chris Newbury coming under pressure. A penalty is given but shot straight at Chris Newbury. It has to be retaken - saved again by stand-in keeper.

Fair bit of pressure from baddies now, but we seem to be regaining control. Good run by Dan Tester who shoots just wide. Good effort by Jamie Hards (I had to say that). Cranbrook start to pile on pressure. Good strong solo run by Jack Holden, puts ball in well but no one there to collect. Pressure being put on Chris Newbury in goal now as we struggle to regain form of first half. Cranbrook get their first corner, Ross McCarter defends well.

Good ball in from Ollie Leigh, Jamie Hards and Ian Dipple have a cup of tea while they decide who will shoot - in the end no one does and Cranbrook clear.

Cranbrook's pressure pays off as they get a goal back, good goal (Dodgy keeping (I had to say that as well). Super sub Jack Holden doing well - another good run. Still no goal for us in second half - we have now adopted a 'pass to their keeper' approach. Cranbrook score again. Aliens land in adjoining field, Elvis steps out of spaceship, orders 5 burgers and passes to their keeper as well.

We are back. Shot by Chris Phillips trickles over the line to make it 16-2. Then sub Chris Stewart gets a goal. Hypothermia sets in.

Third goal for Cranbrook as Chris Newbury fumbles ball into his own net, proving there's no substitute for a real keeper (just kidding - he has done well in goal). Back to good passing. Lovely goal by Chris Phillips.

Kylie passes me a cup of tea. I think cold may be affecting my senses. Cranbrook having good 2nd half, keeping Chris Newbury busy. Final whistle. I'm now going outside. I may be some time.

P.S. RSPB have confirmed seagull hit by Tom Ryan will make a full recovery, so good day for everyone.